You are not alone
You do not need to have decided anything, and you do not need to explain everything. Start wherever you want.
If you are in danger right now
Call. Do not wait to read the rest of this page.
Does any of this sound like your home?
Partners are accountable to each other. Sharing money, knowing where each other is, and answering to one another are normal parts of a marriage, and none of that is a problem on its own. What is different is when it only runs one way, when it is enforced, and when you are afraid.
- He controls the entire family money, or you have to account for every spending including your own hard earned money
- He forcefully checks your phone, your messages or where you have been
- You change a lot of what you do or say to avoid his reaction
- You have had to stop seeing your own family or friends because he will not allow it
- He threatens to take the children away from you, or to send you back to your people
- He decides by force whether you work, study or leave the house
- You have been pushed, slapped, held down or hurt, even once
- He continues after you have said no
We are not here to judge anyone’s marriage or to tell you to leave it. Many of the women we work with stay, and we help them either way. If some of this sounds familiar, or you are simply afraid at home, that is reason enough to talk to us.
What happens when you contact us
No part of this is automatic. Nothing happens that you have not agreed to.
We listen
Tell us as little or as much as you want. You can use any name.
We work out options
Together, at your pace. Leaving is not always the first step and that is your decision.
You choose
We do not contact the police, your family or your employer without your permission.
We stay
Counselling, legal help, school places and work, for a year after you leave.
Covering your tracks
This site
Quick Exit, top right, leaves immediately and keeps this page out of your back button. You can also press E three times. It cannot remove pages you visited before you arrived.
Your browser
A private or incognito window keeps no history at all. Open one before you browse, not after. Closing it removes the record of everything done inside it.
Your phone
If someone else can unlock your phone or checks it, use a friend’s phone, a library computer or a work computer instead. Monitoring software does not always look like an app.
How we reach you
Tell us when it is safe to contact you and how. We will not leave voicemails or send messages outside the times you give us.
Keeping yourself and your children safer
Some women use this to feel safer at home. Others use it to prepare for a day that may or may not come. Both are fine, and none of it commits you to anything. You do not have to do it alone and you do not have to do it today.
- Keep documents together somewhere he does not look: ID, birth certificates, bank details, any court papers. Photograph them and email the pictures to an address only you can open.
- Put a small bag somewhere outside the house if you can, with a change of clothes for you and the children, medication, and any keys.
- Agree a word or phrase with one person you trust that means call for help, so you can use it on the phone in front of him.
- Work out where you would go and how you would get there, at different times of day. Transport is the step that most often fails.
- If you can, open an account in your own name at a different bank, and have statements sent by email rather than post.
- Know which rooms have a way out and no locks, and avoid the kitchen and bathroom during an argument.
Ask us to get in touch
Before you fill this in: Only a name to use and a way to reach you are required, and the name can be any name. We do not report anything to the police unless you ask us to. If you are in immediate danger, call rather than write.
