Women arrive at lawyers and police stations with a great deal that happened and very little that can be shown. That is not a failure on their part — nobody documents a marriage while living in it — but it decides cases, and it is fixable going forward.
This is what courts here actually respond to, in rough order of weight.
Independent records made at the time
Anything created by somebody with no stake in the outcome, on or near the day, is worth more than anything else you can produce.
Medical records are the strongest of these. A doctor’s note describing what you said and what was found, dated, is the single most valuable document in most cases. It is worth attending a clinic even when you are not badly hurt, and it is worth asking for the note to record what you told them as well as what was visible. What to ask for covers this.
Ask about a formal medical report, which is a specific document rather than an ordinary consultation note, and expect it may take a few days and carry a fee. It is frequently required before a case can proceed.
Police records. Even where nothing happens afterwards, the fact that a complaint was made on a date, with a reference or extract, establishes timing. Ask for the reference number and write it down.
Employer and school records. A logged phone call at your office, an incident at the school gate, a note from a teacher. Independent witnesses with nothing to gain are unusually persuasive.
Messages, calls and social media
Electronic material is admissible in Nigeria, subject to the conditions the Evidence Act sets out for computer-generated evidence. In practice that means it needs to be produced properly rather than waved on a phone screen, and it is worth asking your lawyer early what form they want it in.
What to do:
- Screenshot everything, showing the name or number, the date and the time in the image.
- Keep whole conversations, not selected messages. A thread that has been edited down invites the argument that context was removed, and the surrounding messages usually help you.
- Do not delete the apologies. They are often the best evidence in the file because they are an admission in his own words.
- Keep the original device or account where you can, since a screenshot is easier to challenge than the source.
- Back it up somewhere else, ideally by emailing it to an account he does not know about, which also creates an independent timestamp.
- Call logs count, particularly for repeated contact. Forty calls in one night is a document.
Photographs
Photograph injuries when they occur and again after two days, because bruising develops. Get scale into the frame, take one close and one wider showing which part of the body it is, and include something that establishes the date where you can.
Photograph damage as well: broken doors, torn clothing, a smashed phone, a hole in a wall. And photograph anything relevant to property, since property cases turn on evidence almost entirely.
Your own record
A contemporaneous diary is genuinely useful and it is not the strongest thing you have. Its value is that it is consistent, specific and made at the time, and that it lets you give a coherent account two years later when the details have gone.
What makes it credible: written on the day, specific rather than general, unedited, and including things that are not flattering to you. What destroys it: entries improved later, gaps filled in, and anything that looks assembled for a case. How to keep one is set out separately.
Witnesses
People who saw something, heard something, or were told at the time.
Neighbours who heard, relatives who saw injuries, a colleague you told on the Monday, a teacher, a church or mosque leader. Somebody you told contemporaneously is useful even though they did not see it, because it establishes that you were saying the same thing then as now.
Write down their names and numbers now while you have them. Ask nothing of them yet. People move, fall out and change their minds, and a list made today is worth more than a memory in two years.
Be realistic that his relatives will generally not give evidence against him, and that some of your own may not either. That is normal and it is not a reason to abandon a case.
Things that damage a good case
- Editing. Cropping a message thread, deleting your own angry replies, tidying a diary. It is discovered, and it costs more than the material was worth.
- Exaggeration. One overstated detail is used to attack everything else. Understating is safer and it is what most women do naturally.
- Delay without explanation. Coming forward late is completely normal and it will be asked about. Being able to say why — fear, family pressure, no money, told to settle it at home — answers the question.
- Inconsistency about the important facts. Dates and details will move a little and that is human. The core account should not change.
- Recorded conversations obtained badly. Recording can be useful and there are real limits on how such material can be used. Ask a lawyer before relying on it, and do not create it in a way that puts you in danger.
- Letting it be settled at a family meeting and signing something. A signed family settlement can be produced later as proof that everything was resolved.
Where to keep it
Not in the house. Everything in this article becomes dangerous if it is found, and a discovered file is worse than no file.
An email account he does not know exists, on a device he does not control, is the best single option and it timestamps everything for you. Physical items are best with a relative outside his circle, at work, at your place of worship, with your lawyer, or with us.
Give your lawyer copies rather than originals, keep a list of what you have, and do not tell him any of it exists.
If you have nothing
Most people start here and cases still succeed.
Start today rather than reconstructing the past. Get seen at a clinic the next time anything happens and ask for a note. Write down what you remember of past incidents now, dated as today with a note that you are recalling them — that is honest and it is usable, whereas backdating is neither.
Then take what you have to somebody who does this work. What looks like nothing to you is frequently more than a lawyer expects, and the free routes exist precisely for people who cannot pay to find that out.
Questions people ask
What is the single most valuable piece of evidence?
A medical record made at the time by somebody independent, describing what you said and what was found. It is worth going to a clinic even when the injury is minor.
Are WhatsApp messages accepted in court?
Electronic evidence is admissible subject to the conditions the Evidence Act sets for computer-generated material. Ask your lawyer early what form they need it in, and keep whole conversations rather than selected messages.
Can I record him?
It can be useful and there are real limits on how such material may be used. Ask a lawyer before relying on it, and never create a recording in a way that puts you in danger.
It happened years ago and I have nothing. Is it too late?
Not necessarily. Write down what you remember now, dated today with a note that you are recalling it, rather than backdating anything. Then start collecting properly from today.
Where should I keep all of this?
Not in the house. An email account he does not know about, on a device he does not control, is the best single option because it also timestamps everything. Physical items belong with a relative outside his circle, at work, with your lawyer, or with us.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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