Losing a school place is one of the most damaging things that happens to a child in this situation, and it is one of the most avoidable.
A child who has lost their home, their room, their father’s presence and their routine in the same fortnight, and then loses their class and their friends as well, has lost everything stable at once. Keeping a school place, or getting a new one quickly, is worth more than almost anything else you can do for them.
First: can they stay where they are?
Ask this before assuming a move. Continuity is worth a great deal of inconvenience.
Consider whether transport is possible, even if it is awkward and even if we have to fund it. Consider whether the school can take fees in instalments — many will, and almost nobody asks. And consider whether staying is safe, which is the real question, because the school gate is the most predictable place in your week.
If they stay, tell the school in writing who may collect the children and who may not, and ask them to call you if anybody else arrives. Schools do this routinely. If there is a protection order, give them a copy rather than describing it.
The three obstacles
Almost every case comes down to records, fees and the address.
Records you do not have
Birth certificate, transfer certificate, last report, immunisation card. Most women leave without any of them.
What actually helps: the previous school will usually confirm attendance and produce a record for a former pupil, sometimes for a small fee, and you can ask somebody else to go if you cannot. Many schools will admit a child provisionally while paperwork is sorted out, particularly if somebody explains the circumstances. And an attestation of birth is the route where a birth was never registered.
Ask rather than assume. The response is far more often “bring it when you have it” than “no”. The order to replace things in matters, since the child’s birth certificate is needed for more than school.
Fees
Ask about instalments explicitly, and ask about a reduction. Both exist more often than they are advertised, particularly in the middle of a term when a place is otherwise unfilled.
Government schools are free or nearly so, and it is worth being unsentimental here: a stable place in a government school beats an unstable one in a private school that ends when the money runs out. A child who changes school twice is worse off than one who changes once.
School fees are one of our six programmes precisely because this is where things fall apart, and because a school place is cheap compared with what losing it costs later.
The address
If you are keeping a location private, decide what goes on the form before you fill it in, and use the same thing everywhere.
Ask the school directly: who can see this record, and what would you do if his family asked about the children. It is a reasonable question and the answer tells you what you are dealing with.
What to tell the school
Less than you think, and the right things.
You do not owe anybody your history. What the school needs is practical: who may collect the children, who may not, that there is a court order if there is one, that they should not give out your address or contact details, and who to call if somebody turns up.
Put it in writing, keep a copy, and ask them to confirm it has been recorded. A verbal conversation with one teacher is forgotten when that teacher is absent.
Ask for one named person to deal with. Repeating this at a counter every term is exhausting and information gets lost between staff.
What the children will need
Expect the first weeks to be difficult even where the school is better than the last one.
Work is likely to slip, and that is normal and temporary. Behaviour may change — withdrawal, anger, clinginess, or a child who becomes conspicuously good and silent, which is easy to miss and worth noticing. Older children mind the social disruption far more than the academic one.
Tell the school something is happening at home without giving details. A teacher who knows a child is under strain responds completely differently from one who thinks they have become lazy. What teachers are asked to look for is written for them and is worth passing on.
Ask whether there is a counsellor. Some schools have one, and children generally respond faster than adults do.
If he interferes
He may contact the school, ask for records, turn up, or tell them you have taken the children unlawfully.
Give the school written instructions in advance so they are not deciding in the moment. Where there is a court order about custody or contact, give them a copy. Ask them to note the date and time of any contact from him and to tell you — that record is frequently the clearest evidence available, because school staff are independent.
A parent’s rights to information about their child are a separate matter from where the child lives, and it is worth asking a lawyer what applies in your case rather than guessing, in either direction.
The thing worth remembering
Schools have seen this before. Every school of any size has had children arrive mid-term with no records, no fees and a parent who cannot explain much.
The conversation you are dreading is one they have had many times, and the usual response is practical rather than suspicious. Go in person, ask for the head, and say plainly: I need a place for my children, I do not have all the papers yet, and I need to talk to you about who may collect them.
That sentence works, and we can come with you if it would help.
Questions people ask
They will not admit my child without a birth certificate. What now?
Ask whether they will admit provisionally while it is sorted out — many will, and almost nobody asks. The previous school can usually confirm attendance, and an attestation of birth covers an unregistered birth.
Should I move them or keep them where they are?
Continuity is worth a lot of inconvenience, so consider transport and instalment fees first. The real question is whether the school gate is safe, since it is the most predictable place in your week.
How much should I tell the school?
Only what is practical: who may collect the children, who may not, that there is an order if there is one, and not to give out your address. Put it in writing and ask for one named person to deal with.
He is contacting the school. What can they do?
Give them written instructions in advance and a copy of any order, and ask them to record the date and time of any contact and tell you. School staff are independent, which makes their record unusually useful.
Private school or government school?
A stable place in a government school beats an unstable one that ends when the money runs out. A child who changes school twice is worse off than one who changes once.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, email us at hello@healbridge.org, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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