Ask why a woman went back and the answer is usually money. A shelter bed solves one night. A job with a contract solves the year after it, and it is the one thing an employer can provide that no charity can buy.
The four things that matter most
- Never confirm anything to a caller. Not that she works there, not her shift, not her department, not whether she is in today. Train reception and switchboard on this specifically, because that is where it fails.
- Keep her address out of shared systems. Staff directories, delivery lists, group messages, notice boards and the car park list are all routes by which a location leaks.
- Be flexible about time. Court dates, medical appointments and school meetings arrive at short notice and cannot be moved. A few hours of paid flexibility is often what keeps somebody in work.
- Pay into her account. An account in her own name that she chose. Not a joint account, and not one her husband can see.
That fourth point sounds administrative and is not. An account only she can see is frequently the first independent thing a woman has had in years.
Things that cost nothing
- Let her park near the door, or change her shift so she is not travelling in the dark.
- Give her a work phone or a desk extension so her personal number is not the contact point.
- Have one named person she can speak to, so she does not have to explain from the beginning each time.
- Take threatening contact at work seriously and write it down, with the date, time and what was said.
- Let her sit away from a window or a public entrance if she asks, without requiring a reason.
A log of contact at a workplace is often the clearest evidence a court sees, because the witnesses are independent and have no stake in the outcome.
What not to do
- Do not tell colleagues, even sympathetically. It travels, and it travels back.
- Do not make her a project. She is an employee who is dealing with something, not a case.
- Do not move her without asking. Being relocated to a back office to keep her safe can read as a demotion and often is one.
- Do not require documentation of the abuse before offering flexibility. Most women do not have any, and asking for it is a way of saying no politely.
- Do not offer to speak to him. Ever.
On hiring
Women coming out of abusive marriages often have gaps in their work history, no recent reference, and no payslips, because being prevented from working is a form of abuse rather than a career choice.
Those gaps say nothing about capability. Several of the women we work with have qualifications they were prevented from using for years, and a number of them ran small businesses whose capital was repeatedly taken.
Where you can, judge on a task rather than on a form. A short practical exercise tells you more in twenty minutes than a work history will, and it removes the disadvantage entirely.
We can act as a reference, and this article explains what a candidate in this position is dealing with on the day of an interview.
If her husband arrives at your premises
Have a plan before it happens rather than improvising at the counter.
Do not confirm she is there. Do not let him wait inside. Call the police if he refuses to leave. Tell her the same day, in private, so she is not surprised by it later.
Work with us
We do not ask employers for money first. We ask for the thing a woman needs in order to leave and to stay left.
If your organisation can offer a role, a training place or an apprenticeship, tell us what you have and we will tell you honestly whether we can use it. Work and income is one of our six programmes because it is the one that most often decides the outcome.
If you have property rather than vacancies, the housing side is where leaving most often fails.
Questions people ask
What if her husband turns up at our premises?
Have a plan before it happens. Do not confirm she is there, do not let him wait inside, call the police if he refuses to leave, and write down the date, time and what was said. Tell her the same day.
Do we need a formal policy?
It helps, and the four points at the top matter more than the document. A trained receptionist prevents more harm than a policy nobody has read.
She has a gap of six years. Is that a risk?
It usually reflects having been prevented from working rather than anything about capability. Judge on a practical task rather than the form.
Can we offer something other than a job?
Yes. A training place, an apprenticeship, or a service your business provides. Tell us what you have.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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