Most organisations do not write this page, because it is not a good look. We think the absence of it is worse.
People arrive at a service at the worst point of their lives, and the least useful thing that can happen is a month of encouraging conversations that end in nothing. So this is what happens when we cannot help, and how we try to make that cost you as little as possible.
When we say no
You are outside where we work. We operate in a defined area, and we would rather tell you that in the first minute than take details we cannot act on.
You need something we do not do. Long-term psychiatric care, addiction treatment, immigration representation, care for an adult who cannot live independently. These are real needs and they need people who are trained for them.
You are a man. Our accommodation, programmes and funding are for women. What we can still do is written down, and it is more than nothing and less than a service.
We have no capacity. Sometimes there is no bed, no lawyer free this week, or nothing left in a programme’s budget until the next period. This is the hardest one because the answer is not that you are in the wrong place, it is that we do not have it.
What is being asked would put somebody at risk. Contacting a person on your behalf when that would expose you, giving an address to a relative, or mediating with somebody who has hurt you. We will explain why rather than just refusing.
You want us to pay a bride price refund. We do not, and the reasoning is set out in full. It is a deliberate position, not a funding limit.
How we try to do it
- Quickly. Within the first conversation where we can. A fast no is worth more than a slow maybe, and the slow maybe is what most services actually offer.
- With a reason. You get told which of the above it is. Being turned away without knowing why leaves people assuming they were not believed, and that is usually not what happened.
- With somewhere else, where somewhere else exists. A named organisation, and where we can, a current number and the name of a person. Why we do not publish long lists of hotlines applies here — we would rather give you one route that answers than six that might not.
- Honestly, where there is nowhere else. Sometimes the truthful answer is that we do not know of anything suitable near you. We will say that rather than send you on a journey to be turned away again, and we will tell you what we know about what does exist so you can decide.
- Without a file. If we cannot help, we do not keep your details on the basis that they might be useful. Holding nothing is the whole approach.
What we will still do
Even where the main answer is no, some things cost us almost nothing and are worth asking for.
- Tell you what the law is in your state and which court applies.
- Tell you honestly what a service you are considering is actually like.
- Help you think through a safety plan. That works the same way for anybody and it is not rationed.
- Hold documents. This is one of the plainest things we do and it does not depend on you being in a programme.
- Talk to a clinic, a school or an employer on your behalf if you ask.
- Take the call again later. A no today is not a permanent answer, particularly where it was about capacity.
If you think the no is wrong
Say so. Ask us to look again, and say what we have misunderstood.
We get this wrong sometimes, usually by taking a first description at face value when the situation is more serious than it sounded. A woman who says her husband shouts, and mentions in the ninth minute that he held her by the throat last month, has a different case entirely — and it is our job to ask, not yours to lead with the worst thing.
If you feel you were dismissed, that is worth telling us, and it goes to somebody other than the person who spoke to you.
Why we do not stretch
The temptation is to say yes to everything and work it out later. It reads as compassionate and it does real damage.
A promise of accommodation that does not materialise leaves somebody with no plan on the night she needed one. A lawyer we cannot actually fund means a case that stalls halfway. A programme that takes more people than it can carry helps everybody in it slightly and nobody enough, which is the specific failure that produces women going back.
So we would rather run a smaller service that does what it says. The full list of limits is published for the same reason, and the six programmes are deliberately six rather than sixteen.
What to ask any service
This applies to us and to anybody else you approach, and asking these makes you much harder to fob off.
- Can you help with this specific thing, yes or no?
- If yes, by when, and what do you need from me?
- If no, who can, and do you have a current number for them?
- If you do not know, will you find out and tell me?
- Who do I speak to if nothing happens?
A service that cannot answer the first question is not going to be able to answer the others either, and that is worth knowing in week one rather than week six.
Questions people ask
Why would you turn someone away?
Being outside our area, needing something we do not do, being a man, having no capacity that week, or asking for something that would put somebody at risk. You get told which one it is.
Will you still help with anything?
Usually yes. Telling you what the law is in your state, holding documents, helping with a safety plan and speaking to a clinic or a school are all things we do regardless of whether you are in a programme.
Can I come back later?
Yes, and particularly where the answer was about capacity rather than fit. A no today is not a permanent answer.
I think you got it wrong. What can I do?
Say so and ask us to look again. It goes to somebody other than the person you spoke to. We do get it wrong, usually by taking a first description at face value.
Do you keep my details if you cannot help?
No. If we are not helping, we do not hold information on the basis that it might be useful later.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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