Phones leak more than most people realise, and the leaks are usually things switched on for convenience years ago and forgotten about.
One warning before anything else, and it is the most important paragraph on this page. If he checks your phone, sudden changes are themselves a risk. A phone that shared your location for three years and stops doing so overnight is a question waiting to be asked. Where you can, use a second device rather than hardening the one he watches.
Start with location
Check who can currently see where you are.
- Google. Location sharing lives inside Google Maps rather than in the phone settings. Open Maps, tap your picture, then Location sharing, and look at who is listed and for how long.
- Apple. Settings, then your name at the top, then Find My. Check both Share My Location and the list of people underneath it.
- WhatsApp. Live location is set per conversation, not globally. Open each chat, tap the attachment icon, and check whether a live location is running.
- Family plans. Some mobile operators and some phone family settings share location by default. If he manages the family plan, assume location is visible.
Then look at the account rather than the phone
This is the part most people miss. A phone can be completely clean while the account behind it is not.
If he knows your Google or Apple password he can see your photographs, your contacts, your location history and in some cases your messages, from any device, without ever touching your handset. No software, no trace.
Change that password from a device he does not control, then turn on two step verification. Then check three things that people forget.
- The list of devices currently signed in to the account. Remove anything you do not recognise.
- The recovery phone number and recovery email. If either is his, he can reset your password at will and everything else is wasted work.
- In WhatsApp, Linked devices. A linked session shows him every message as it arrives.
Backups and shared albums
Photographs taken on your phone often appear automatically on a family computer or in a shared album. Look for shared albums you did not create, and for a backup signed in to an account that is not solely yours.
Women have been located by a photograph they did not know was being shared, taken outside a building with a visible sign.
Message previews
Turn off message previews on the lock screen. A reply from a support service appearing in full on a locked phone lying on a table is one of the commonest ways women are found out, and it costs nothing to prevent.
On Android, Settings, Notifications, then turn off sensitive content on the lock screen. On iPhone, Settings, Notifications, Show Previews, set to When Unlocked.
Apps you did not install
Monitoring software exists, is cheap, and is more common than people think. Look for apps you do not recognise, apps with generic names, a battery that drains far faster than it used to, and a handset that is warm when idle.
On Android also check Settings, Security, Device admin apps, because monitoring tools frequently appear there rather than in the ordinary app list.
Removing one can alert whoever installed it. Get advice before you do it. When the abuse follows you onto your phone covers this and image threats in more detail.
The safest option, by a distance
A cheap second phone with a new number, kept somewhere he does not go, is worth more than every setting on this page combined.
Use it for the conversations that matter. Leave the main phone exactly as it is, with the same settings, the same location sharing and the same apps, so that nothing visibly changes. This is the approach we suggest to most women, because it removes the risk of discovery rather than reducing it.
What a phone cannot hide
If somebody has physical access to an unlocked handset, none of this helps. Use a passcode he does not know, turn off fingerprint or face unlock if he could use your hand or your face while you sleep, and be realistic about which of these you can safely change.
Covering your tracks online deals with browsing history and what private browsing does and does not do.
Questions people ask
He pays for my phone. Can he see my messages?
Paying the bill can give access to numbers called and messaged, and sometimes to the account behind the phone. It does not usually give the content of encrypted messages, but treat the device as watched.
Is WhatsApp safe?
Messages are encrypted in transit, so the network cannot read them. That does nothing about somebody picking up your unlocked phone, or a session on Linked devices. Check that list.
Should I delete the apps he installed?
Get advice first. Removal can alert whoever installed it. A separate device is usually safer than cleaning the watched one.
Can he track me if location sharing is off?
Through the account, yes, if he has the password. Turning off sharing on the handset is only half the job.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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