An account only you can see is the single most useful practical thing a woman in an abusive marriage can have.
It is what makes transport possible, what makes a deposit possible, and what turns leaving from a leap into a step. It is also the thing most women think they cannot have, usually because they have been told so.
What you will usually need
- A Bank Verification Number, or the process to obtain one
- A National Identification Number slip
- A passport photograph
- Proof of address, which is the part that most often causes difficulty
Requirements differ by bank and by account tier. Lower tier accounts have smaller transaction limits and lighter documentation requirements, and for the purpose of quietly building a small reserve, a lower tier account is usually enough. Ask specifically what the lowest tier requires rather than accepting the standard list.
If you do not have the documents
Many women do not, because the documents are in a drawer he controls. This is common and it is solvable.
Start with the National Identification Number, because most other things follow from it. Enrolment centres are widespread and the process does not require your husband’s knowledge or consent. If a centre asks for a letter from your husband, that is not a legal requirement. Thank them, leave, and go to a different centre.
For proof of address, a letter from an employer, a school, a place of worship or a landlord is often accepted. Ask the bank what it will take before you join the queue, because the answer varies by branch as much as by bank.
Keeping it private
- Use a bank he does not use, and a branch that is not near your home or his work.
- Turn off paper statements entirely, or send them to a different address.
- Use an email address he does not know about, created on a device he does not control.
- Turn off transaction alerts to a phone he can see, or set the app to hide amounts in notifications.
- Do not save the card in a shared browser or a shared shopping account.
- Do not use his phone number as the contact number on the account, even temporarily.
The phone settings that matter are covered separately, and the account is only as private as the device it is visible on.
Building it up
Small and regular. Change from shopping. A portion of anything you earn. Money from a relative who understands. Large one off amounts are noticeable and often trigger a question.
Aim first for transport, plus one night somewhere, plus food for the children. That is the amount that converts a crisis into a manageable evening, and it is a smaller number than most women assume. Everything after that is progress rather than survival.
If he finds it
Have an answer ready that is boring and close enough to true. Money set aside for the children’s school. A contribution to a family obligation. Savings for a trade.
This is not advice to lie for its own sake. It is recognising that discovery midway through is a real risk, and that the moment to think about it is now rather than in the middle of the conversation.
If it does happen and the reaction frightens you, that is information worth telling somebody. An account is replaceable.
Why this matters more than it sounds
Money is the reason women return more often than fear is. Not because they are not frightened, but because fear has an answer and rent does not.
A woman with no money is not choosing between a bad marriage and a better life. She is choosing between a bad marriage and destitution for her children. An account of her own is the first change to that arithmetic, and it is one she can make without telling anybody or deciding anything.
The longer term
An account in your own name also matters later, in ways that are not obvious at the start. It is needed for a salary. It is part of what a landlord looks at. It is evidence of your own contributions if property is ever dealt with by a court. Courts work from documents rather than from recollection.
Photograph the statements periodically and keep them with your other documents, outside the house. Where to keep them is covered separately.
Questions people ask
Do I need my husband to open an account?
No. An adult woman does not need a husband’s consent to open an account or to enrol for a national identity number. If you are told otherwise, try another branch or another centre.
Will he see the account?
Not if it is at a different bank, with paper statements off and alerts going somewhere he cannot see. He can only see accounts he has been given access to.
How much should I aim for?
First target is transport, one night somewhere and food for the children. It is a smaller number than most people assume.
I have no proof of address. What now?
A letter from an employer, a school, a place of worship or a landlord is often accepted. Ask the branch what it will take before queuing.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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