This is where leaving most often fails. Not at the door of the house, and not at the shelter. Six weeks later, at the point where somewhere temporary has to become somewhere permanent.
The obstacles are specific and they are mostly financial rather than personal. Knowing what they are in advance changes what you spend the first weeks doing.
What you are actually up against
The year up front. In much of Nigeria rent is paid annually in advance, sometimes two years for a new tenant. That is the single largest barrier, and no amount of steady income solves it in the first month.
Agent and agreement fees. On top of the rent, and payable at the same time. Ask for the total before viewing anything, because the advertised rent is rarely the sum required on the day.
The guarantor. Many landlords want somebody to stand for you, and a woman who has left her marriage frequently has nobody who will. Her father may refuse. Her brother may be in contact with the husband’s family.
Questions about a husband. Landlords ask, sometimes out of habit and sometimes as policy. Single women with children are turned down routinely, and some of it is prejudice presented as prudence.
Documents. Identification, sometimes employment evidence, sometimes a reference from a previous landlord you do not have.
What to do about the guarantor
This is the one that stops most women who have solved everything else, and there are more routes than people realise.
- An employer. Many will stand as guarantor for a member of staff, and being asked is not unusual.
- Us. Acting as guarantor is part of what our housing programme does, precisely because this is where leaving fails.
- A colleague or a professional you know, rather than family. Landlords generally want someone traceable and employed rather than someone related.
- A place of worship. A pastor or imam who knows you will sometimes do it, and their standing carries weight locally.
- Paying more up front instead. Some landlords will drop the requirement for a longer advance, which is a trade rather than a solution but it is sometimes the available one.
The article written for landlords is worth sending to anybody who is hesitating. It answers the questions they are actually asking rather than the ones they say out loud.
What to say about a husband
You are not obliged to explain your marriage to a landlord, and you should not disclose that you have left an abusive relationship. It is nobody’s business, it invites refusal, and it creates a person who knows something dangerous about you.
Keep it short and unremarkable. “I am renting on my own.” “It is myself and my two children.” If pressed, “I would rather not discuss my family situation” is a complete answer and is more effective than an explanation.
What does work is demonstrating that you can pay. Employment, income, and a guarantor answer the real question, which is whether the rent will arrive.
Safety, which matters more than the rent
Look at the property as a place you might have to be safe in, not only as somewhere to live.
- The gate and the door. Who else has keys, and can the locks be changed. Ask, and change them.
- More than one way out.
- Neighbours who are present. A compound with people in it during the day is safer than an isolated flat, whatever else is wrong with it.
- Security arrangements, and whether the gateman can be told not to admit somebody.
- Distance from him. Not just the address, but the market you would use, the church or mosque, the route to school, and where his relatives live.
- Lighting on the last stretch home.
Ask that your name is not displayed on any list, and think about whether the agent will be asked about you later — agents talk, and a determined person will find the one who let the place.
Keeping the address private
Decide from the first day who knows. A small number of people, chosen deliberately.
Do not put the new address on documents that go into systems unnecessarily — use a workplace or a holding address instead. Ask the school not to release it. Ask your employer to keep it out of shared systems. Do not have deliveries to the door in your name in the first months.
Tell the children, plainly, that they do not tell anyone where they live. Older children put it online without thinking, and that is the commonest way an address is lost.
The alternatives worth considering
A whole flat in your own name is not the only outcome and it is often not the first one.
A room in a shared compound is cheaper, faster, and frequently safer because of the people around.
Renting with another woman halves the cost of everything, including the year up front.
Monthly or quarterly arrangements exist, usually for a single room, and are worth asking for even where the advertisement says annual.
Accommodation tied to work — some employers, schools and hospitals provide it, and it solves two problems at once.
Staying where you are and getting him removed instead. Where the property is somewhere you have a right to be, a protection order can require him to leave even where it is his. For a woman with children in a nearby school, that is often the better answer.
Before you sign
- Get the tenancy agreement and read it, or have somebody read it. Do not accept a verbal arrangement for a year’s rent.
- Check what the rent covers and what is extra — service charge, water, security, waste.
- Get a receipt for every payment, with the period it covers written on it.
- Photograph the condition of the property on the day you move in.
- Confirm who the landlord actually is. Paying an agent who does not represent the owner is common enough to be worth checking.
- Ask what notice applies, and what happens if you have to leave suddenly.
What we can help with
Deposits and the year up front, guarantor arrangements, agent fees, and going with you to view somewhere so that you are not a woman alone with an agent.
Housing is one of our six programmes and it exists at this exact point, because a woman who has done everything else and cannot rent a room ends up back where she started. Why we weight the funding this way is the same argument from the other side.
Questions people ask
Do I have to tell a landlord I have left my husband?
No, and you should not. It invites refusal and creates somebody who knows something dangerous about you. “I am renting on my own” is a complete answer.
I have nobody to be my guarantor. What now?
An employer, a colleague, a pastor or imam, or us. Landlords generally want somebody traceable and employed rather than somebody related, so family is not the only route.
How do I find a year's rent up front?
Ask about a room in a shared compound, renting with another woman, or a monthly arrangement, which exist more often than advertisements suggest. We also fund deposits and advances, and that is exactly what the housing programme is for.
What should I check before signing?
That the person letting it is the actual landlord, what the rent covers, that you have a written agreement and receipts stating the period, and that the locks can be changed.
Is renting somewhere new always the right move?
No. Where you have a right to be in the property, a protection order can require him to leave instead, even where it is his. For a woman with children settled in a nearby school that is often better.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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