This article deals with rape and sexual assault inside marriage and long term relationships. It is written plainly, because vagueness on this subject helps nobody. You may want to stop reading partway and come back another day, and that is a reasonable thing to do.
Marriage is not consent
Consent is given for one occasion. It can be withdrawn at any point, including partway through, including by somebody you are married to and have been married to for twenty years, and including on a night when you consented last night.
Sex you did not want but did not physically resist is still sex you did not consent to. A great many women describe going along with it because refusing would cost more than complying. That is coercion. It is not agreement, and the absence of a struggle is not evidence of one.
Women also describe a specific and disorienting version of this, where sex is used to end an argument, or is expected as proof that a quarrel is over. If declining carries a penalty, the choice is not free.
What Nigerian law says
The Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act addresses sexual violence without carving out an exemption for spouses. That was a significant change from the older criminal codes, several of which expressly excluded a husband.
The Act applies directly in the Federal Capital Territory, and states must adopt their own version for it to apply there. Most have. How a specific state adopted it, and how a specific court approaches such a case, varies considerably.
That is a real limitation and you should hear it from us rather than discover it in a courtroom. It is not a reason to assume you have no options. Our plain language guide to the Act explains where it applies and what else it covers.
If it has just happened
What follows is the medical sequence. It matters whether or not you ever go to the police, and some of it stops working after seventy two hours.
- Go to a hospital or a sexual assault referral centre as soon as you can. Several states have dedicated centres providing treatment, evidence collection and counselling in one place, often without charge.
- Ask about emergency contraception. It is most effective within seventy two hours and its effectiveness falls sharply after that.
- Ask about post exposure prophylaxis for HIV. It must begin within seventy two hours. Ask for it by name if it is not offered.
- Ask for what happened to be written down in your own words, and for any injuries to be recorded by site and size.
If you can, try not to wash, change clothes or clean up before being examined. If you already have, still go. Evidence is not the only reason to be seen, and treatment is not conditional on preserving it.
The wider article on medical care covers what to ask for, what to do if you are told you need a police report first, and why bruising should be photographed again after two days.
You do not have to decide about the police today
Getting medical care and getting a record does not commit you to a criminal complaint. Many women want the treatment and are not ready for anything else, and that is a complete and reasonable position rather than a failure of nerve.
What a contemporaneous record does is keep the option open. Deciding in six months that you want to act is enormously easier if there is a note from the day, made by somebody independent, describing what you said and what was found.
If and when you are ready, what actually happens at a police station is set out separately, including what to do if you are told it is a family matter.
If it happened a long time ago
It still counts. Delay is the norm rather than the exception and it does not imply consent. Women commonly disclose years later, often when something unrelated brings it back.
Support is available regardless of how long ago it was. Depending on the circumstances, so is legal action, and that is worth asking about rather than assuming.
What it does afterwards
Sexual violence inside a marriage carries a particular difficulty, which is that you may still be living with the person, sharing a bed, and expected to behave normally in front of children the following morning.
Common reactions include numbness, revulsion at being touched at all, difficulty sleeping, and a sense of unreality that women often describe as watching themselves from a distance. None of that is a sign that you are handling it badly. These are recognised responses and they respond to trauma informed counselling.
What we can do
We can go with you to a hospital, help you find a clinic that will treat you without questions about your marriage, arrange counselling in a language you are comfortable in, and put you in touch with a lawyer who has done these cases before.
We will not report on your behalf without your agreement, and we will not tell you what you should do about your marriage.
Questions people ask
Is rape in marriage a crime in Nigeria?
The Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act addresses sexual violence without exempting spouses, which changed the position under older law. Application depends on your state and how it adopted the Act, so take advice locally.
Can I get treatment without reporting to the police?
Yes. Medical care is a separate decision from a criminal complaint. Ask for what happened to be recorded, because that keeps your options open without committing you to anything.
I did not fight back. Does that mean I consented?
No. Complying because refusing would cost more is coercion, not agreement, and freezing is a common and involuntary response.
It happened years ago. Is it too late?
Not for support, and not necessarily for legal action. Delayed disclosure is normal and does not undermine what happened.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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