Fear of what happens next stops more women from contacting a service than the abuse itself. Not knowing whether you will be reported, lectured, put on a list or told to leave your husband is enough to make most people close the page.
This article removes the guesswork. It is the pillar for everything in this section.
Who reads it
A small trained team. Not a call centre, not a volunteer who happens to be on duty, and nobody from your community.
What we ask
Three things, in this order, and nothing else at first contact.
- Are you safe right now.
- Are there children with you.
- How can we contact you without putting you at risk.
That is the whole of it. We do not need the full story, in order, with dates, before we can help you. Many women have already told it several times, to a relative, a pastor, a nurse and a police officer, and it costs something each time. You can tell us as much or as little as you want.
What we do not do
- We do not contact your husband, your partner, your family, your employer or your church.
- We do not report to the police unless you ask us to, or unless a child is at risk of serious harm, in which case we will tell you what we are doing and why.
- We do not tell you to leave. Many of the women we work with stay, at least at first, and we help them either way.
- We do not require your real name. Many women do not give one and it changes nothing.
- We do not photograph you, name you or quote you anywhere, including in reports and funding applications.
That last point is a policy rather than a courtesy. A story can identify somebody to the person who harmed her, and no amount of changing names makes a detailed account safe.
How we reply
By whichever method you tell us is safest, at whichever time you say.
If the only safe window is Tuesday mornings, by message, never by voice, that is what we do, and it goes at the top of your file so that nobody has to be reminded. If you want us to use a particular name, or no name, say so.
We aim to answer within one working day. If you are in immediate danger, call 112 first and us afterwards.
If you are worried about your device recording the contact, read this first. Using a phone he cannot reach is always safer than any setting.
What can happen next
Nothing at all, if that is what you want. A question answered is a legitimate outcome and it is how a great many contacts end. Nobody chases you.
If you want more, this is what exists.
- Somewhere safe to stay, arranged the same day where it is needed. How that works.
- Transport, at the hour it is safe to travel.
- A lawyer who has done these cases before.
- Medical care, including going with you if you want somebody there. What is time critical.
- Counselling for you, and separately for your children, in a language they are comfortable in.
- Help with the documents a job or a bank account needs.
- Paid work with a real contract, through employers we work with.
- School places kept where that is possible.
What each programme actually pays for is set out in detail separately.
If you are not ready for any of that
Then do not have any of it. A safety plan is the most common reason women contact us, and it commits you to nothing. It is a set of decisions made while you are calm so that you are not making them while frightened, and it works whether you stay for another ten years or leave next month.
How long we keep your information
Enquiries that do not become cases are deleted after three months. Case records are kept for the case and one year afterwards, because people often come back and starting again from nothing is exhausting for somebody who has already told the story.
You can ask us to delete everything at any point and we will, without asking you to justify it.
If we are not the right people
We will say so, and tell you who is. Nobody is passed around a system here, and if we cannot help you we would rather say it in the first conversation than in the fourth.
Questions people ask
Do I have to give my real name?
No. Many women do not, and it does not change the help you receive.
Will you make me report to the police?
No. That is your decision. The only exception is where a child is at risk of serious harm, and we would tell you what we were doing and why.
What if I contact you and then change my mind?
That is completely normal and happens often. Tell us to stop and we stop, and you can come back later.
Is there a cost?
No.
Can somebody contact you on my behalf?
Yes. A friend, a relative, a nurse or a teacher can call and ask questions for you.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
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