A woman is widowed and within days it becomes clear that a set of arrangements has been made about her. She is to marry his brother. Or she is to leave the house, which belongs to the family. Or she is to submit to rites she has no wish to take part in. Or her children are to be raised by somebody else.
This is common, it is one of the worst things that happens to women in Nigeria, and it is far more contestable than most widows are told.
What tends to happen
- Being told to marry a relative of his, usually a brother, sometimes framed as protection for her and the children.
- Being removed from the house, or having the locks changed, or finding relatives moving in and taking possession.
- Property taken. Land, vehicles, the business, bank accounts, and sometimes personal belongings.
- Being blamed for the death, and sometimes required to prove innocence through an ordeal or an oath.
- Widowhood rites imposed without consent: confinement, shaving, particular clothing, restrictions on washing, sitting on the floor for a set period, being made to drink or bathe in something.
- Children removed to the father’s family.
- Being denied documents — the death certificate, title documents, bank details — which are then used to deal with the estate without her.
It usually happens fast, in the days around the burial, when she is least able to resist and when refusing looks like disrespect for the dead. That timing is not accidental.
What the law actually says
Considerably more in your favour than you will be told at the time.
You cannot be married to anybody without your consent. Being widowed does not change that, and there is no rule of Nigerian law that transfers a widow to a relative. Forcing a marriage is capable of being criminal, and threats to achieve it certainly are.
Customs contrary to natural justice, equity and good conscience are not enforceable. This is the principle that matters most here, and Nigerian courts have applied it directly to widowhood. Superior courts have set aside customs that disinherit widows and that treat a woman as part of an estate. That case law exists and local families are usually unaware of it.
Inheritance depends on which system governed the marriage. A statutory marriage brings statutory succession rules. A customary or Islamic marriage follows its own, and under Islamic law a widow has a defined share rather than nothing. Establishing which kind of marriage you had is the first thing a lawyer will do.
Degrading treatment is not lawful because it is traditional. Constitutional protection of dignity applies, and several states have legislated specifically against harmful widowhood practices.
Children are decided on welfare, not on which family claims them. Being the surviving parent is a strong position, not a weak one.
The first week
What is done in the days after the death shapes everything, and most of it is undone by accident rather than by force.
- Do not sign anything. Not a document about the estate, not a family agreement, not a letter to a bank, not something you are told is a formality. This is the single most important line here.
- Do not leave the house if you can safely stay. Possession matters enormously and it is very hard to reverse. If you are forced out, do not accept that it is final.
- Photograph everything, immediately. Title documents, bank papers, vehicle papers, the contents of the house, the house itself, his business records. Do it before anybody starts removing things, because that is what happens next.
- Secure the death certificate and your marriage documents, and keep copies somewhere else.
- Tell the bank nothing beyond what is required, and do not let a relative deal with accounts on your behalf.
- Get a lawyer before the family meeting, not after it. This is where cases are lost.
- Write down who said what, with dates.
Where to keep copies safely applies with particular force, because a widow’s documents are frequently the first thing taken.
The family meeting
There will be one, and you will be told it is how these things are settled.
Do not attend alone. Take somebody — a relative of your own, a lawyer, somebody from an organisation — and say in advance that you will not be signing anything on the day. Take whatever is proposed away and get advice on it.
Pressure to decide immediately is the clearest warning sign there is. Anything genuinely fair survives a week’s delay.
You are also entitled to decline rites you do not consent to. That is easier to write than to do, and it is more possible where somebody is standing beside you, which is one of the plainest things an outside organisation can provide.
If you have already lost the property
It is not necessarily gone, and widows routinely believe it is.
Get advice even years later. Courts have restored property to widows and children where custom was used to dispossess them, and the fact that a family has been in possession for a period does not automatically settle it. What matters is what evidence exists — the marriage, the contribution, the title, and what was said at the time. What evidence counts is set out separately.
Where there was no will, there is a formal process for administering an estate, and a widow is entitled to be part of it rather than to be informed of the outcome.
Where in-laws are also the danger
For some women this is not only a property dispute. There are threats, confinement, and real fear.
That is criminal conduct and it is covered by the ordinary law. A protection order can name several people and require them to stay away from the house — the wider article on family abuse deals with how these situations work and what can be done.
What we do
A lawyer, quickly, which is the thing that changes outcomes here more than anything else. Somebody to attend the family meeting with you. Documents held safely. Somewhere to stay if you are put out of the house. School fees, because children losing their school on top of losing their father is a compounding harm.
If you are reading this in the week it has happened: do not sign anything, photograph everything, and ring somebody before the meeting.
Questions people ask
Can I be made to marry my husband's brother?
No. No rule of Nigerian law transfers a widow to a relative, marriage requires your consent, and forcing it or threatening you to achieve it is capable of being criminal.
They say the house belongs to his family. Is that right?
Do not accept it without advice. It depends on which system governed your marriage, whose name is on the title and what you contributed. Superior courts have set aside customs that disinherit widows and children.
Do I have to go through the widowhood rites?
Not without your consent. Degrading treatment does not become lawful because it is traditional, constitutional protection of dignity applies, and several states have legislated against harmful widowhood practices specifically.
What is the most important thing in the first week?
Do not sign anything, do not leave the house if you can safely stay, and photograph every document and the contents before things start being removed. Then get a lawyer before the family meeting rather than after it.
It happened years ago and I lost everything. Is it too late?
Not necessarily. Courts have restored property to widows and children long afterwards, and a family being in possession for years does not automatically settle it. It is worth one appointment to find out.
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 112. To talk to HealBridge, call or send a message to +2348025170267, or use the form on our contact page. Every page on this site has a Quick Exit button at the top right, and pressing the letter E three times does the same thing.
Before you rely on anything on this page
We publish these articles so that you can understand a subject and work out what to ask for. They are written carefully and in good faith. They are still general information about how things usually work, and not advice about your situation, which we do not know.
- This is not legal advice.
- We are not a law firm. Criminal law in Nigeria is largely a state matter, the VAPP Act applies in a state only if that state adopted it, and statutory, customary and Islamic marriages are governed by different law and different courts. Two people with the same facts can have genuinely different options. Get advice from a lawyer who practises where you live — and if cost is the obstacle, ask us, because arranging that is part of what we do.
- This is not medical advice.
- Nothing here is a diagnosis and nothing here replaces being examined. Do not delay seeing a doctor, nurse or pharmacist because of something you read here, and do not start, stop or change any treatment on the strength of it. If something is time critical, go and be seen.
- This is not counselling, and it is not financial advice.
- Articles about trauma, sleep, money, debt, renting or starting a business describe what commonly helps. They are not therapy and they are not a recommendation about your own money. Speak to a counsellor, a qualified adviser or your own bank about your circumstances.
- It may be out of date, or wrong for where you are.
- Law changes, services close, numbers stop answering and practice varies by state. We correct what we find, and we cannot promise that every page is current on the day you read it. Where we do not have something confirmed, we say so rather than fill the gap.
- Reading this does not make us your lawyer or your doctor.
- No professional relationship is created by reading an article, and we cannot accept liability for decisions taken on the strength of one. What we can do is help you reach somebody who is qualified to advise you, which is what the legal and health parts of our work exist for.
- We cannot promise an outcome, and we cannot make anybody safe.
- A protection order is a piece of paper backed by an enforcement system that is inconsistent. A plan works until the day it does not. Anybody in this field promising safety is selling something, and the promise itself is dangerous because it stops people planning.
Do not let this notice stop you acting. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. If something is medically urgent, go to a hospital — you do not need a police report to be treated. And if you do not know where to start, that is a normal way to begin: use the contact page and we will take it from there.
Also worth reading:
